“If two people constantly agree with each other, then one of them is useless; but if two people constantly disagree with each other, then, both of them are useless.”

~ Japanese wisdom.

I came up with the topic for this week’s   2 on1 Friday blog posts where Shackman and I write on the same topic. The idea came actually due to the fact that by and large, both of us are in agreement on the topics that we write up on though we usually approach them from different backgrounds and experiences but, usually come to the same conclusions. We do however, differ on some topics but we take those in our stride and keep moving on. The disagreements do not come in the way of our relationship or the weekly blog posts.

On the other hand, I have had differences of opinion with some other visitors to my blog who have decided either not to comment or totally stop visiting and I simply have accepted that this is also part of experiences of relationships and moved on. Naturally, I too have stopped reciprocating but, that has not come in the way of relationships continuing off blogs via emails or WhatsApp messages etc.

I think that my approach is healthy one and one that has kept my relationships intact over many years. I think that allowing disagreements to mar relationships is foolish and would prefer not to indulge in it. What do you think?

Do please go over to Shackman’s blog to see what he has to say about the same topic. Thank you.

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25 Responses to Disagreements.

  1. Fred Tully says:

    but if they are both wrong…
    or if the logic is wrong…
    or there is no logic…
    what is the point?
    Fred Tully recently posted..a bit of fiction, maybe

  2. As you’ve already guessed, I agree wholeheartedly!

  3. Cheerful Monk says:

    My comment hasn’t appeared!

  4. nick says:

    I welcome disagreements. How else can you reach a deeper understanding of any subject without a healthy exchange of views that might prompt a completely new and better-informed perspective on something? You won’t learn anything by shying away from disagreement. My father hated disagreement because he was always convinced his opinion was the right one and just found any alternative view annoying.

  5. Wisewebwoman says:

    Touchy subject for me as my family of origin, once it disagrees with you, shuns you forever. This has happened over generations. Rigid, righteous men mostly condemning their uppity womenfolk. Naturally this attitude has bred many of us uppities.

    I agree with your principal. I so envy families who can shout and scream at each other and then sit in quiet conversation around a fire afterwards.

    Same with friends.


    • Ursula says:

      That is my family, and (some of) my friends, “shout and scream … and then sit in quiet conversation around a fire afterwards”. It’s so easy. So easy that I don’t understand when communication goes wrong. And it does. And I do take responsibility for that too – even if I don’t understand the mindset of the easily insulted, the sulkers and the way they’ll let conflict go and on and on and on till you loose the will …

      The abuse I have “suffered”, or rather I scoffed and laughed at, in blogland on account of putting an opposing view is mind blowing. Flying in the face of everything Ramana suggests in his blog post. You will be ostracized if you question, if you probe. Yes, so mind blowing it’s caught the attention of a group of people who study mind fucks. Some of those (bloggers/commentators) who chose the wrong target (me) will be able to claim their fifteen minute fame in some academic paper – no real names mentioned.

      Of course, there are those who have questioned, sticking their own necks out, what gets people so heft up about me when, objectively, I was courteous in putting my view. There is a nuance here, slightly different slant on the subject, maybe something Ramana and Shackman may take up in a separate Two on One post.


    • Family feuds can be very debilitating and I have seen some major ones in my time. Luckily, it is all in the past now and distance and nostalgia glues families together despite disagreements of all kinds.

  6. Ursula says:

    On reading your blog this morning, it’s now afternoon, I wrote a most “witty” reply. Alas, I had to abandon it half way through to attend to an immediate matter. More is the shame. I wonder what CM’s reply would have been if she had read that my prediction were that your post on this most interesting subject would bring her back into the fold. And it did. I scrapped my half baked reply.

    The subject you and Shackman raised has brought big emotions to my surface. I may come back to them and voice them here. In the meantime I thank you and Shackman and Daphne aka Magpie (who doesn’t blog any more) not just for “seeing” me and not holding against me that I am not averse to controversy but appreciating that differences are no hindrance to friendship. All three of you I consider friends in the true sense of the word. Fair weather doesn’t come into it.


  7. Max Coutinho says:

    Hi Rummy,

    I agree that your approach is much healthier and, yes, allowing relationships to sour because of disagreements is not only foolish but also childish.

    Disagreements are good because they challenge us to chase the truth. But I have come to discover that the Left is very adverse to disagreements.

    Max Coutinho recently posted..Turkey’s Brilliant Moves in Syria

    • The Left has a peculiar world view about everything other than their own. I don’t spend time pondering about them. I have other more important things to occupy myself with.

  8. tammy j says:

    do people really keep open minds about things? what we think and feel or how we react to ideas and other’s attitudes are usually based on our own personal experiences in life. and unless we have wise mentors or access to educators that encourage openness … our belief systems seem to be ingrained in us by the time we’re grown. do we not see that in each other?
    then we start to label people. left. right. religious. spiritual. materialistic. minimalist. hawk. dove. the list goes on. we put people into compartments and then leave them there in our minds.
    everybody wants to be special. and everybody wants what they believe to be right! so … I don’t know. as the king of Siam said … “is a puzzlement!”
    to lose a friend or beloved family member over such stuff is definitely a puzzlement!
    tammy j recently posted..having it all

    • I can honestly say that I have dear friends who hold opposing ideological views to mine but, who remain my friends nevertheless. It is possible to be civilised about such differences without compromising one’s convictions.

  9. kylie says:

    I have long avoided disagreement with my closest friends (although avoiding disagreement might suggest that they are not actually close) but I’m getting better at it! Sometimes nobody is served by silence.

    • I am in a WhatsApp group of twenty ex colleagues who worked together in the last century. One, and only one holds a completely different ideological point of view from the group’s but, he is indulged and even encouraged to disagree, contest and oppose our points of view. He attends all our meetings and is a very popular attendee despite his uniqueness in the group. I think that it is possible to be so without much effort.

    • It has been my experience that not disagreeing causes long term problems for oneself as well as to the other for one holds grudges and the other is blissfully ignorant.

  10. what annoys me the most, is “disagreers” (?sp/grammar) who keep contacting one to say “I was right” or “to start the shebang off again, months later” or even continue trying to suggest they are my friend & I need guidance/similar…
    Catherine de Seton recently posted..Back home…will update soon!

  11. tikno says:

    I can be objective to respect the disagreement / controversy as long as it does not touch on personal matters.
    tikno recently posted..Sincerity mathematical formula.

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