Toxic Friend/s.

ToxicThis is a rant. I want to get rid of something that has been annoying me since yesterday and I think that writing about it and sharing it with my readers may just be the thing to get it out of my system.

I have come across the term toxic people in various peoples’ lives but could not relate to that term till I came across one yesterday.

I was on the telephone talking to Padma and reminiscing with her about many other 4th Mays that we had seen together. Yes, it would have been her wedding anniversary and she would have celebrated it with great enthusiasm had only my friend Kashi been alive. I was trying to cheer her up and was telling her to have a grand do at home with Biriyani, Kheer etc just as Kashi would have liked when the door bell rang and when I opened the door it was a friend who was visiting, I waved him to sit down while I continued my conversation with Padma and was telling her that in my opinion, she should not go into mourning but must celebrate and so on and she responded quite well to my suggestions. I cut short the conversation bid Padma goodbye and went over to sit with my friend who immediately took off asking me about who I was talking to and what the Biriyani etc was all about.

When I explained what was going on, he literally exploded in anger calling me an insensitive animal etc and that I should have been more gentle with the recently widowed lady etc. All this, without ever having met either Kashi or Padma or my equation with the two of them. He would not allow me to explain all that and took off again that it is not human to react to death like that etc.

I simply got up, went to the door, opened it and told him to get out. Yes, those exact words but said very calmly and gently adding that he could come back when he was willing to be polite and behave like a guest. He huffed and he puffed but got the message and disappeared.

I doubt very much that I will have anything to do with him again though, I will not be surprised if he turned up again to apologise and resume our relationship.

Now I know what a toxic friend is.

This entry was posted in Friendship, People, Raves and Rants, Relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Toxic Friend/s.

  1. Grannymar says:

    There was a lady of my acquaintance – I no longer call her friend, who behaved in similar fashion in my house. In the days before I had a laptop, my Pc was set on a desk in my living room and the printer sat on a small table beside it. She would read any correspondence left open. One day I returned with a tray of coffee from the kitchen to find her walking across my living room with a bundle of unused paper from my printer. She continued to roll it up and put it in her handbag. I said nothing. As she was about to leave, I called her back and produced £2.49 in small change and gave it to her. Asking what it was for, I replied “You can buy a ream of printer paper in Tesco, they have it on offer this week, then you won’t need to steal it!” I bade her farewell and quickly closed the door. I have not seen her since.
    Grannymar recently posted..I found Harry!

  2. Maxi says:

    You did what so many people would like to do if they had the courage, Rummy. I would not have done this in my younger days, but wouldn’t hesitate today.

    Go GM, a classy way to tell someone off.

    blessings ~ maxi
    Maxi recently posted..10 Images of the Rarest Place You Have Never Been

    • In my younger days, I would have been physical and violent with someone who tried something like that Maxi. Yes, I was notorious for that but age and a remarkable woman mellowed me down.

  3. tammy j says:

    my husband had a cousin that was raised with him as his ‘brother.’
    this cousin was the total opposite in every way of my husband. and both were raised together. where bob was uplifting and positive and full of integrity and well… simply fun… his cousin brother was the opposite in every way. self serving, self important, pompous and a ‘user.’
    i heard nothing from him after bob died. nothing for years and years.
    finally he contacted me after his 4th divorce. for months he called
    and droned on and on. “i have nobody. nobody loves me. I’ve got nothing.” in fact he’s wealthy. and he has many friends. who seem to be willing to put up with his self pitying personality.
    he wasn’t an angry ‘in your face’ type to me like your former friend was to you.
    he simply DRAINED me of every last bit of energy i had. his calls were like donating too much blood! they left me exhausted.
    finally i simply told him ~ “bob was the only thing i had in common with you and he’s gone. i want you out of my life. don’t contact me again.”
    i felt bad and guilty for awhile. but then i thought ~ he has plenty of other people he bleeds. that kind always do. he has two daughters.
    i breathe easier now when the phone rings.
    tammy j recently posted..an expensive day?

    • There is another way of handling third party toxics. Thanks for sharing Tammy. It does not have to be a relative of a relative, it could also be a friend of a friend or a friend of a relative or a relative of a friend!

  4. wisewebwoman says:

    Wow! Talk of a nosey parker of the worst kind. And a control freak! Yes you were right to show him the door, my friend. And I’d hesitate to let him back in. You must have struck a nerve of his….
    XO
    WWW
    wisewebwoman recently posted..Avast

  5. Cathy in NZ says:

    good on you, Ramana…

    I have a couple of toxic “friends” one of whom calls at significant times in my life. I mostly just let the rants happen because as it happened recently I mentioned what I was doing at Uni and that started him off big time on the matter and how he would love to put the lecturer in a complete spin about how he saw the subject/s! He said if I needed any advice on addressing the matters he knew where exactly to get the correct answers…he was here to help me.

    (memo to self: don’t mention uni courses again!)

    When I ask him, if he is getting job or other – he then proceeds to tell me how ill he is and how he couldn’t possibly be in the workforce or studying (he has an unfinished degree). He isn’t ill in the fullest sense, but he has a way of persuading people that he is!!

    (memo to self: next time say “oh really” and hang-up)

    Now his partner, was the very ill person who finally got his life back on track and is out there perusing a degree in Photography, a skill he found when he was ill/recovering…
    Cathy in NZ recently posted..Back to Earth!

    • Now, that is another angle for busybodies who are sponges but want to impress others as being very clever. You are right, I would not have anything to do with him either.

  6. Leon says:

    I definitely have been in situations that are similar to what you just posted in relation to toxic friends. You are better off without them. Sorry you had to go through this!
    [email protected] Wedding Photography recently posted..Reasons To Hire A Wedding Videographer

  7. Ursula says:

    Never understood the term ‘toxic friend’. Seems a contradiction in terms.

    Your friend was rude and tactless, for sure.. As WWW says, maybe you struck a nerve. If he is a true friend then he will come and apologize and, possibly, even enlighten you why he became so aggressive. By you showing him the door he must realize that he overstepped the mark.

    Grannymar’s is a strange example. And worth thinking about. What makes a friend ‘steal’ something as trivial as a ream of paper? Is she genuinely hard up, but too embarrassed to ask for it outright? GM’s response seems, to me, a little harsh. I dare say I’d have spared my friend, indeed anyone, the humiliation of being found out over something so trivial.

    People’s behaviour can be a little bizarre at times but I truly believe in giving benefit of the doubt first, not jumping the gun.

    U
    Ursula recently posted..At your peril

    • It could be an oxymoron or whatever Ursula, but I like the sound of it. It has a certain robustness to it and expresses the idea behind very well.

      I am all for giving the benefit of the doubt under normal circumstances Ursula, but in this case the man clearly did not know my equation with either Padma or her late husband and both. He cannot presume that I will offend her.

  8. Nandu Pillai says:

    You are blessed with an enviable friend to fiend ratio ( 1,000 : 1 ? ) , celebrate !

  9. Shackman says:

    The very term is an oxymoron – the individual of whom you spoke was simply a moron.
     
    Unfortunately friendly folk – such as you and I – can be a magnet to losers and those with inflated opinions of themselves and their opinions.
     
    You are well rid of the inconsiderate SOB unless he realized the folly of his actions and returns with a heartfelt apology. Beyond that I say fuggum. Replace that word with any you see fit.
     

    Shackman recently posted..A cool music list

    • I agree that he is a moron but I like the sound of toxic friend!

      I also like the word loser. Currently very popular in your part of the world. 🙂

      I will use the appropriate word, not to worry.

  10. This guy in this instance is a really extreme example and I applaud your response. Toxicity has lesser degrees, too, and some simply are toxic in long term buildup. That can be a difficulty to deal with. Especially if it is less a toxic friend and more a toxic relative!
    The Old Fossil recently posted..My Favorite Vacation Spot

  11. nick says:

    Those who presume to know how you should behave to other people they’ve never even met are breathtakingly rude. Good for you telling him to leave and not just shrugging your shoulders.
    nick recently posted..Only human

  12. Maria says:

    Without knowing your equation with Padma and Kashi and without knowing them either. How very presumptious and how very ignorant. It’s a bit like people who used to come into my house and see how I was handling my kids or in laws without the slightest idea of the people involved or my equation with them. People who comment on the dealing of other have no work of their own to do.
    Maria recently posted..REVIEW – BUSINESS SUTRA by Devdutt Pattanaik

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