Agony Uncle III.

The exchange of mails continues on its merry course.  Mr. Tookay responded after the last mail in my post Agony Uncle II:

Dear Sir,

Thanks once again for taking time off to reply to my weird questions/doubts.

I was really sorry  to learn that your late wife was afflicted by cerebral and cardiac infarcts. Good that you took up the challenge of being her primary caretaker for eight years before she died.  May her soul rest in peace.

Guess, it’s true that learning to cook properly is akin to riding a bicycle. I can cook a few dishes but I am no match to the ladies!  But how nice if we men would be allowed to have 2 wives so that both would compete to give us 100% to us in all areas and we could live a happy life – and when one goes to MIL, the other is there to cook for us! But alas, the Hindu Law and all that crap! Good to know that you are blessed with a wonderful son and daughter in law along with two very loyal help.

I have  only one last question, hopefully: whenever I tell my wife that we have been blessed with a selfish son and that we are not millionaires/billionaires, then she tells me that I might have committed lots of sins in my previous life and therefore I am suffering a lot in present life and I mostly do not get what I wish and pray for – its very rare that God is awake to listen to me! I tell my wife, how does she know that I have committed sins – did any saint/saadu tell her so?  Logic stronger than reason tells me that there is no way to know whether we were even born earlier and that we may be born again [ to again reap the fruits of our good deeds /suffer due to bad deeds of  present life ] This is all hum bug – there is nothing called Karma. What we see and experience in our present lives is the only TRUTH.

By the way, how do you keep fit ? Do you go for long morning/evening walks?

Your thoughts and viewpoints on above will be much appreciated.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Thanks & Regards,


I responded:

Nothing stops Indian men from having a second wife or a mistress, provided they can get away with such an arrangement.  Similarly, nothing stops an Indian woman from having a lover on the side though I have not come across any who has got a secret second husband hidden away somewhere.  I know or know of  some men and women who are in such situations  though,  quite why they do so is beyond me.  I would have thought that one experience would be enough.

Yes, I am indeed very blessed and I am truly grateful for that.

In Physics, there is Newton’s Third Law: “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object.”  This is not mumbo jumbo, but science.  Our ancients could not use such sophisticated language and came up with their own law called the theory of karma.  There is a remarkably simple book by that same name written by Hirabhai Thakker which explains this very nicely.  If you let me have your address, I will see to it that you receive a copy with my compliments.  Having said that however, I must confess that I do not believe in the idea of sin.  If I were to talk about it, it would take another hour of your time, and so I think that we should leave it for a hopeful face to face meeting sometime.

I practice yogabhyas every morning that lasts for upto an hour.  I also go for walks which should really be called ambles in the evenings whenever the weather permits.  Other than that, I eat sensibly and keep a cheerful disposition which I am told, helps in being fit.

I hope that you will find my answers to your satisfaction.  I also hope that you would have by now read my blog post.  Some very interesting comments have been offered by my readers which may amuse you.  I intend posting further correspondence too.

With kind regards,


There has been no response to that so far and perhaps the exchange has come to a halt.  If there is any further mail from Mr. Tookay, I shall keep my readers informed.

17 thoughts on “Agony Uncle III.”

  1. well. i am beginning to feel a little affection for him.
    “thank you sir. i am planning to upgrade my lousy cooking skills.”
    if i’m remembering it correctly!
    i wish him well.
    tammy j recently posted..quality or quantity

  2. “But how nice if we men would be allowed to have 2 wives so that both would compete to give us 100% to us in all areas and we could live a happy life – and when one goes to MIL, the other is there to cook for us!” Hmm. His idea of a happy life is somehow different from mine. 🙂
    Cheerful Monk recently posted..Good Advice

  3. I wonder why no woman ever thought of two men-
    but then on the other hand, women are more complicated, and would need three, one to bring in the money, one to handle the house and yard work and errands, and a third for the social and emotional life she now is two tired to really enjoy, since she spends her life doing a job outside the home and being two wives.
    Thank heavens my caveman is also a wonderful and (after all those years of willingness to retrain since his mother blew it) self-sufficient male.
    Old German “joke” told me at our wedding- so how is the bridegroom getting along? terrible. He has to cook and clean and help in the house- He married an American! (My Australian BFF married a Brit (welsh, actually.) and was told the same joke when her son was born and she went back to work)
    The more work you do in the house, the more time for a romantic walk in the park or coffee somewhere nice, and the more romance, the less talk of Europe, Mr. Tookay.

    1. And then there is this favourite to go around again and again joke : A WOMAN’S FOUR FAVORITE ANIMALS
      Q: What are a woman’s four favorite animals?
      A: A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an ass to pay for it all.

    2. You would have seen my response about women too as I most certainly wanted to be gender neutral. I indirectly suggested that he should consider what his reaction would be if his wife contemplated a second husband!

  4. I wonder if he was put off by his letters being posted here? I went back and read all three posts and I’m a little baffled at his approach to life. Did he rally think you’d have some get-rich-quick scheme to impart that you wouldn’t have tried yourself? And why can’t he take any better care of himself? And my god, what a terrible attitude he has about women.
    Secret Agent Woman recently posted..Cataloochie

    1. Also, my fiance cooks and cleans and does what ever else needs to be done alongside me. And we both work full-time. Marriages should be a partnership. And none of it keeps us from enjoying plenty of fun, romantic time together.
      Secret Agent Woman recently posted..Cataloochie

  5. Uncleji you dont believe in the idea of sin

    I have been thinking about something for a few days. I can relate that thought to your post and specially the above sentence, what is prarabdha?

    Is there any relationship between – Karma, Prarabdha and sin et al…

    1. For you, it is better that we sit over some nice snacks and tea to discuss this in detail. Let me know once you are back and I will send you something to start off the discussions.

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