“What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be.”
I had many storms in my life just like everyone else does. Almost all of them were minor ones of low intensity quickly abating and bringing normalcy and calm almost immediately after. There were two major ones however that till today stand out for their contrasts in intensity during the storm and the quality post storm.
One storm was almost like a tsunami which took about three years and a half to build up to climaxing six months of intense discomfort and tension before resolution. I refer to my late father’s last days with me six years ago about which I wrote here. The calm after this particular storm was and continues to be one of the best periods of my life. The calm included getting a grip on my own life, my son getting married and bringing a lovely daughter in love home and to add icing on the cake to bring little Chutki into my life.
All the elements of the calm that this particular storm brought to me made it easier to accept a situation that had been hard to accept earlier which was the storm of Urmeela’s illness and subsequent death. Had I not undergone the very difficult period after her death, I would have perhaps not been able to appreciate just how the bad weather that her illness had brought was just a minor storm unlike the one that the later experience that my father’s presence and eventual illness and death brought about.
If Urmeela’s death’s aftermath was regret and sorrow, my father’s was relief. What a difference! Two entirely different experiences but, both were calms after storms.
I wonder if such sequential storms enable to compare and thus appreciate the calm that one brings over the other. It would be interesting to read about the experiences of my readers.
I have suggested today’s topic for the weekly 2 on 1 # 10 blog fest. Please check what Shackman has to say on the same topic.
15 thoughts on “Calm After The Storm.”
Interesting as I almost used the sajme photo. Not surprisingly, we are very much in sync on this one.
That we are indeed.
It was a very pronounced calm after the storm when my mum moved into a care home. She had obviously been struggling for a while and things like finances and cleaning and cooking were getting beyond her. This all came to a head when she had several falls, bills weren’t being paid etc, and after a lot of soul-searching the family decided she needed to go into a care home. This turned out to be very much the calm after the storm because she settled into her new home very quickly and is very happy there, which is a great relief to all of us.
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I remember your writing about it and I am glad that it has worked out well for you and other members of your family.
My most difficult times were when I was a child, which motivated me to develop my personal growth skills. Hence my attitude,
That’s one reason I like Kathleen Norris’ quote:
My version when things get rough is,
I don’t believe in God, of course, but one of my most empowering questions is
It works for me.
Cheerful Monk recently posted..A Flood of Memories
What works for you should be the priority for you. In Vedanta, the basic premise is that our inherent nature is bliss and our quest is to find it on a permanent basis. Meditation, reading and reflection helps me.
it’s interesting now to me to think of the important deaths in my life as a storm. because as much as I loved each dear one who left early I realize now that perhaps they were what gave me the strength to not let myself die from a very particular storm. when you fall into the hands of an abuser … it is like taking slow poison. he abused my ‘self.’ the very essence of who I was in relation to not only him but the entire world. it’s an immersion. much like an addiction I would think. it’s a storm I’m glad I survived.
and the reason that I never ever crave excitement over contentment.
calm and peace and kindness are key words for me.
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None of us really like storms Tammy. Like you, I too prefer calm, peace and kindness but, when storms come, we have to face them and await the calm to follow. Like one of my teachers said, “What one meets with in life is destiny. How well one meets it is self effort.” I know that you have enough resilience to show great self effort if ever other storms come your way.
My greatest storm I believe was my alcoholism and I’ve written about it in various publications.
At the time I wouldn’t have classified it as such. Only in hindsight. The storms were within me and the calm of my sobriety, when it came, only revealed the intensity and turmoil and howling interior of my storm.
Great post, Ramana, I’ve been asked to write an essay for a new publication on addiction so this has crystallized my thoughts immensely.
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I salute you WWW. If the post has been of some help in formulating your ideas for the new article, I am delighted. All the best.
I’ve not encountered a family storm quite like yours…but I’ve endured a few other family issues – one to do with the parting I took of my then husband…it took a long before I truly could lead “my life” not the one he was leading. I still see him, but not in any great capacity – he lives locally to me and we shop at the same centre.
My other storm although partially abated, is still with me. My medical health issues are self managed – they particularly stormed into my life in the early 1990s but my personal ‘born with’ disabilities are problematic from time to time. Sometimes more of the time, especially my hands…
Even though I learn from it all – it still annoys when the stuff blows up and curtails (for want of a better word) something I believe is worthwhile…at which time self-management gets a severe going over on what/why/how now…
I had half a mind to write about my battle with my hip joints but, decided against it as the post would have become too long and the point that I wanted to make, ie, calm can be of different qualities came out quite clearly with the two stories.
I don’t think I have truly written the full extent of my personal issues (disability and health) as they too are drawn out – I may have written about certain periods which have become difficult for me to manage…and have had to try to get help. Most of the time “help n/a” so mostly I just work through the issues myself…
That quote is so true: people tend not to accept their life as it is because they fantasize about how their life should be in their opinion (I stress “in their opinion”).
In Judaism, we are taught that whenever something, that in our opinion is, bad we are to say “Blessed be the LORD who Judges in Truth”. We must accept what comes to us because for sure we deserve it, even though we may feel differently.
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“What one meets with in life is destiny. How well one meets it, is self effort.”
~ Swami Chinmayananda.
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