Disappointment/s.

“Disappointment is sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfilment of one’s hopes or expectations.”  So, the best way to avoid being disappointed is to be without hopes or expectations and live life on its own terms accepting everything that comes ones way cheerfully and without reservations.

I have had my share of disappointments in life but was resilient enough to handle them and come out of the experiences with hope for better things to come out of the experiences.  This was not something that I deliberately set about doing but, something that came naturally to me thanks to the hard lessons learnt from my parents.  In fact, I was more of a disappointment for them in many ways than all the disappointments that I experienced in my life.

It took a series of serendipitous events to make me a different person from the person who gave them the disappointments which made them come out of their disappointment with joy.  In fact in retrospect, they wondered why I gave them so much to worry about in my earlier avatar when I had it in me to be different.  My answer was always that I was not responsible for the change and that I simply followed life’s diktats and came out of those days smelling of roses.

Like my parents, I also disappointed some employers, who had high hopes for me by quitting their services when least expected to follow the diktats of my conscience or, just to escape unpleasantness in the environments.

It has now been many years since I either got disappointed or disappointed someone else.  That has been a great aspect of retired life where there are no appointments to keep other than those with the medical profession and therefore no room for disappointments!

This is my take on this week’s Friday Four On One blog post topic. The other three bloggers who write on the same topic are Sanjana, Padmum and Shackman. This week’s topic was suggested by Shackman. Please do go over to their respective blogs to see what they have to say on the topic. Thank you.

17 thoughts on “Disappointment/s.”

  1. Whenever I hear someone say “I am so disappointed in (insert name or event)” all I see are pursed lips, and entitlement. “I am disappointed” is usually the start of a guilt trip for the person who disappointed the disappointee. Not on my doorstep. Want to get rid of me? Tell me I have disappointed you. I don’t do guilt trips other than the ones I inflict on myself.

    Yes, of course, when you are five years old, disappointment may feature as in, you said it, an expectation not met. After that age? Just live with what life/fate lays at your door. And if that means withdrawing to the mountains, withdrawing from people, so be it. It’s not my thing by temperament though I do recognize, even for myself, that, maybe, it can become a necessity if only to protect our self.

    Reading many a story you will come upon the recluse, withdrawing from the world and its people because their nothing than perfectly reasonable expectations were not met, resulting in bitterness. I understand the withdrawal part. If you can’t touch me you can’t hurt me. Bitterness only hurts yourself. So, cheers to the happy recluse. Up the alm. With a goat or two.

    U

  2. I think all children have a sinking feeling that we are a disappointment to our parents…. And many parents too think that they are a disappointment to their kids.
    Once I accepted that I am me… I dropped this feeling… And stood straight to say take me as I am or goodbye.
    If I can’t attend a social event, that’s it… No angst.
    If I can’t get up to see somebody to the door… That’s it… My feet are paining.
    If I can’t do something…. Right now… That’s it…. No excuses to be given…. I just can’t. It may or not happen… No excuses…
    Take it or leave it.
    May be arrogance… But that’s my condition just now.

    1. At our age, we can afford to be “Take it or Leave it!” It is in our adolescence that this word has the most devastating effect. And if one has not matured enough to handle such criticisms in adulthood, it can destroy people.

  3. I am struggling with COPD Rummy. that and the health issues of congested heart failure and essential tremor have come to live in this old body now. and it is good for me to think of the simple disappointments… like not being able to climb the stairs to my apartment. I love living upstairs. the air seems fresh and I feel safer.
    but just as in Joseph Campbell’s quote… the NEW awaits!
    I am changing my attitude. now the disappointment is less and the excitement of finding a new place awaits.
    it reminds me of the time my dad was driving us to a circus. then…
    he changed his mind. we didn’t go. it was to “teach us to be able to take disappointments.” we were not allowed to cry or complain.
    now in our particular climate of granting all wishes and the preoccupation with Self Desires and Self Interest in this country … maybe there was wisdom in his method. I honestly just don’t know!
    perhaps he might have been very wise. (and to this day I have NEVER liked a circus! LOL) though mainly because of the way they treat the poor animals.

    1. There is a reunion of my Pune based classmates the day after tomorrow when we are hosting a visiting classmate from another city. Due to my COPD and the prevalent Corona Virus, my GP has advised me not to go to public places and so I have regrettably expressed my inability to attend the reunion. I am disappointed. So will my classmates be. This is a different kind of disappointment than the disappointment of the variety that you have appreciated from Padmini’s comments. Please see my response to her.

  4. Being flexible to change is part of the secret of a peaceful life.
    I don’t have expectations, especially for others and try not to feel disappointment in their behaviors – we are all human with our defects and foibles.
    Adaptability in old age is definitely a prerequisite to contentment. And acceptance of the status quo.
    But I do still fight for human rights. With good reason. I am not one of those who stands by and does nothing.

    XO
    WWW

    1. That is a sterling trait in you that I admire. I particularly admire your involvement in the poor seniors movement and wish you all the very best. I hope that you will not be disappointed with the outcome of the efforts.

  5. interesting subject – similar to the one I replied to in your last post…maybe those two words are linked together. Particular if “the/a/an superman” walked in/out of ones life.

    And disappointment can led people to stride down the path of depression and sadness (often ending their own life) that is never ending for themselves. They then resort to taking the medication that the authorities (mental health crisis unit) are best for them, but still there life doesn’t actually get much better. I have a friend who has finally found his way out that pill/mire when he had no option but to change primary care doctor. The new doctor was diligent and realised that my friend should never had said medication after 6 months – and now was a decade later. Slower, he’s returning to normality…

    I’ve definitely disappointed people through my life – but now I’ve created a “strong mindset” and I will try out things, suggested but if they don’t pan out; I abandon them. Usually, I’ve learnt something useful within the “thing” and I can apply it “in my own way” – see my comments on “self-management” last post (yes I’m late reading Ramana’s posts)
    Catherine de Seton recently posted..A week dabbling – so much fun…

  6. I’ve had plenty of disappointments – both minor ones like not being able to find my favourite brand of chocolate, and major ones like not getting a job I particularly wanted. I don’t dwell on my disappointments for long, I just look at why I was disappointed and work out what I can do to avoid the same disappointments in future. I don’t understand people who brood for years on why they were “cheated” out of some job or unfairly “snubbed” by someone.

  7. Numerous disappointments I’ve experienced later turned out to be blessings in disguise. Had I only realized this at the time I could have spared myself the distress I felt then. There’s much to be said for minimizing the time and adverse feelings as much as possible when experiencing disappointments. Time and effort is much better focused on adjusting and adapting to the situation, to move past the event(s) with hope for a more desirable future. Easier said than done sometimes, but the rewards for doing so can be a healthier life.
    Joared recently posted..LIFE — COVID 19 — VOTING — MCCOY TYNER

    1. This is another phenomenon that I wish that I had touched upon in my post. Very true indeed that disappointments do turn out to be for the good in retrospect and one regrets not having seen that coming.

  8. My Buddhist son was the first to teach me the concept, “Expectations are premeditated disappointments.” i talk to myself – mostly about myself – because most of my expectations are of myself. I have been disappointed throughout my life in events. I make a rule never to be disappointed in people I love. I consider that to be a bit insulting. They have a right to be themselves without me placing expectations on them. Luckily, I suppose they have given me no reason to be disappointed. I used to be insulted or feel guilty because I saw myself as a disappointment to my parents. Than I finally realized that they loved me anyway…

    1. Interesting that you have a Buddhist son. Many things about you now makes sense to me. Being disappointed with one should not mean that one does not love the person who disappoints! It may perhaps even be that it is due to the love that the disappointment arises. It is however a moot point as to whether it is love or expectations/

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