As I write this post, I am all alone at home with only my dog Chutki for company. The children have disappeared to pursue their own interests. I have been enjoying the peaceable company of Chutki, my newspapers and crossword puzzles since early morning and will shortly go off to my recliner to read something or the other. Like Einstein, I would call that state of mind delicious!
Meghadri in Sanskrit means “Mountain abode of the clouds”. Usually referring to Mount Kailash. My young friend Meghadri, like his name implies is the silent deep type and, is very dear to me. He surprises me every now and then with some reference to something totally unexpected and this link that he sent me out of the blue is one such. I however doubt that he would give me credit for being in my ‘years of maturity’.
Please read that article after learning something about its author Donald Hall here.
Like Hall, there was a time when I too had enjoyed double solitude but like him, I have got used to the solitary solitude now for the past seven years. I wish that I could be as effective in conveying my state as he is in the article, but I assure my readers that I am not lonely. I do think about those times when I had Urmeela for company but that does not stop me from enjoying my solitude. I do enjoy entertaining visitors, going to the movies and other outings with friends or family. I am equally comfortable going somewhere alone by myself or sitting at home and watching movies via DVDs or being occupied with something else.
I had grieved too while being the caregiver for Urmeela and when she died in my arms. It took a while, but I recovered and no, I am not about to die any time soon. I don’t think that I will grieve that she won’t be around by my side while I die as Hall does.
So, there Megh, I will come over for some Chai Latte soon and we shall discuss this more. I thank you for sending me the link to this wonderful reading material.
You are most fortunate. Personally I am loneliest when the house is packed. See – though I love my grandkids I do not enjoy living with them. I suppose in rhe eyes of some that makes me a bad guy but since Lynn died things have been somewhat topsy tury. Fortunately I have Ginger.
I can understand why in some eyes you will be a bad guy, but I assure you that in mine, you are not. Loving grandkids and living with them do not involve the same emotions. In other respects, I think you are as fortunate as I am.
one has always heard of “lonely old people.” many articles and much is made of it.
especially in America and always around the major holidays.
i found shackman’s comment sad. and shack…
that doesn’t make you a bad guy AT ALL. just admirably honest.
i too would love my grandchildren if i had any.
but having had solitude now as a way of life for so long… i don’t know what i would do if i suddenly was forced to have many room mates! i think i’d try to help the person pay his or her own rent if i could and continue to live alone in my little apartment!
that makes me sound very selfish perhaps. but it’s just the truth.
after a lifetime of living i think we have earned that solitude if we enjoy or need it.
i’ve never understood the needs of some people who must have constant activity and people all around them in order for them to be happy or feel fulfilled. and i personally have three friends just like that. if it ever changes for them i fear they won’t last long.
they’ve never made friends with themselves.
your life sounds ideal rummy. a lovely balance.
give your chutki a hug from me. xo
tammy j recently posted..moving on old bean
There is much to envy about my lifestyle now Tammy, but I do not take credit for it. It has just happened so that things have worked out the way they have. After Urmeela’s death and as my father’s death neared, I had every intention of selling off my home and moving into an old people’s retirement home with my computer and books. That it did not happen is due to various factors primary one being Ranjan deciding to get married and to Manjiree at that. After that, my current lifestyle has just evolved as it were!
Thanks for this Ramana. I’ve often said that 95% of the time I adore my solitude. The other 5% is loneliness.
XO
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Wisewebwoman recently posted..Basil and Clover
That is about a fair ratio between solitude and loneliness.
I spend most of my time alone but haven’t been lonely in years. If something happens to Andy that will probably change — parallel play works well for us.
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Yes, the lifestyle that has evolved for the two of you is fascinating and to call it parallel play is very apt.
Sometimes I feel lonely, sometimes I’m completely happy with my own company. It all depends on my mood. I think loneliness is really just boredom. If you’re totally engrossed in something, the idea of loneliness doesn’t cross your mind.
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I agree with you that loneliness is primarily boredom. If one has developed interests to occupy one’s time, there should be no need for boredom and hence loneliness.
I am happy with my own company but can still suffer loneliness, I can barely imagine extended periods of solitude being enjoyable
You are still deeply involved in domestic matters and once that stabilises, you will find that solitude will be very welcome.
I am very rarely lonely. And I LOVE solitude. On a trip to New York last year I found myself lonely on the last day. I realized that I had gone several days in a city where no one really saw me. Even grocery stores that I visited repeatedly offered no human context. I was able to solve it easily for myself by making a short contact with home, but I can see where people could experience real loneliness in crowded, impersonal cities or if they were isolated in the living.
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All of us do have moments of loneliness even in our comfort zones. In my case they are now few and far between unlike in the early stages of my widowerhood. I am now comfortable with my single status though occasionally, I do feel lonely.