Tag: Bonus

Life Is Uncertain.

I had to wait for quite some time before I could post this article on my blog. You will understand the reasons for the delay as you come to the end of the post.

Cheerful Monk wrote this in her post Life Is Uncertain six weeks ago.

“Rummuser’s recent post reminds me of the T-shirt I wore years ago when our organization was about to downsize. It said,

Life is uncertain so eat dessert first.

Unfortunately Qannik over at The Thundering Herd is on a diet and can’t do that. So he smells the flowers instead.

That works too!

♥ ♥ ♥

I responded to this post with the comment:  “My inner Guru says, why either or? Use both.”

The Monk responded: “What does your doctor say? ?”

And I responded to that question with: “My doctor, as you probably remember from my older posts is also a dear friend. He says, that I am now living on “Bonus” time and might as well have fun while I can. He is an old fashioned GP who believes that human beings were not engineered to live to suffer and die in old age as they now do.”

And there lies the reason for the delay. In May I had a lot of problems with my health, the most annoying being the pain in the shoulder. I found an Indian remedy for it and it seemed to work a great deal better than just the exercise routine and I happily went off to Delhi on a short vacation. I fell ill there with Delly Belly and cut short my vacation to return to my comfort zone.  It has taken all this time since then for me to be able to say that I am now back to my 2013 level of fitness. I have started to take walks every evening and the visits to the park have now reignited old friendships and fun and my doctor friend says that the chances are that I will most likely have a trouble free death unless I get into some unforeseen problem.   In any case, since I am on bonus time, I have decided to enjoy the uncertainties as well.  So, yes, there is uncertainty but tempered with quite a bit of certainty as well.

I can do both now.

Two New Jokes To Lighten Up This Blog Again.

My last post on Tavleen Singh’s article, showed me that my readers are more practical about these matters than perhaps I am. I shall therefore restrict this blog to posts that should either bring about nostalgia, like my last one about Britannia or tickle the funny bones of my readers. Everynow and then, I shall of course post some human interest articles too.

Here are two new jokes that came my way just this morning. I know that there are some veterans out there reading this blog, like Mike and they should find one of them really hilarious and the other should appeal to all my readers as being universal.

RETIREMENT BONUS

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of His head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, ‘From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.’

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.

But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to ‘drop ’em,’ which He did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief’s weenie and began to work back. Dear Lord!’ he suddenly exclaimed, ‘Where Are your testicles?’

The old Chief calmly replied, ‘ Vietnam’.
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Fool proof Best Friend Test.
If you don’t believe it, just try this.

Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who’s happy to see you?