Myth Busted – Love Lasts.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~
Germaine Greer

In my post “Divorces On The Rise In India“, I had commented on the intriguing problem of this phenomenon of divorces. Currently, I am mentoring two young ladies who are going through divorce/marital problems. I find that many values that my generation had about marriage, whether actualized or imposed, seem to be on the vane and this is puzzling to me.

I had suggested to my mentee going through marital difficulties that she read Leo Tolstoy’s “Family Happiness”, a less known work of his, as the problems being faced by the lady are very similar to that of the heroine of the story, perceived indifference from the husband of a few years. It is a poignant story which I have always felt to have been under recognized. A story, which should resonate with most married people.

This morning’s Times Of India then thumped me with an article which stated, to me the obvious.

I was happily married for over forty years to one person. Almost all my regular readers
have had long lasting and from all accounts, happy marriages. Nationality and cultural differences do not seem to have had any impact on these marriages. The TOI article, confirms this.

I find it sad that such a great institution is under attack. Why are many young people unable to emulate their elders? What have the older people done or not done?

Divorces On The Rise In India.

Nick at nickhereandnow had recently written a post “Love Derailed” and I was musing about what to comment when, this news item in the BBC came to my rescue.

It has been my personal observation too that we are seeing too many divorces now a days in India, primarily in the urban milieu. I am not an expert or a psychologist to comment on the reasons for it, but having been happily married for forty years till death did us apart, I am intrigued.

The BBC article throws some light on it and this quote from Dr. Geetanjali Sharma “I also feel they lack patience and tolerance. They don’t want to put more efforts into a relationship to fix the issues, and they feel that escapism is the solution.” in it, resonates with me, with the proviso that it not be both who want the divorce and could also be just one of the two wanting it.

Relationships are easy to destroy but difficult to build. I for one thrive on long lasting relationships of all kinds and this post addresses a different aspect of the subject.

This is Leena. She is my ex daughter in law. When she came into our home in 2001, she brought a different atmosphere into it and quickly became the daughter that we did not have. My late wife adored her as did I and as I do now. Ranjan and she were married for five years and decided to part company amicably, for whatever reasons, best known to them. Naturally, neither of us liked the development, but decided to accept it as perhaps being the best under the circumstances.

Leena, despite the divorce, continued to be the daughter to my wife till the latter passed away two years ago, and continues to be a daughter to me till today. When Urmeela passed away, Leena came over and took charge of our home till all formalities were complete.

My son Ranjan and she continue to be good friends despite being divorced from each other and often communicate with each other via all modern methods as well as personally. There does not appear to be any acrimony and both seem to have got on with their lives happily.

Leena came to visit my father and me yesterday on learning about our indisposition. She spent quite some time with both of us and it was uplifting of our spirits like a breath of fresh air. She is naturally ebullient and cheerful and it is infectious. Today, she sent some specially cooked fish dishes for my father which cheered him up further.

I wonder if this is also the trend that post divorce relationships do not break but move to different levels with the individuals and the families concerned. I certainly hope that it is.

Nick, an interesting take?