Humour.

“My life has been one great big joke. A dance that’s walked. A song that’s spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself.” – Maya Angelou.

When people try to talk to me, they forget that I am sixty six years old and from an ancient civilization. There is the most often used greeting, which I doubt, really is expected to be responded to – “howya doing?”. I inevitably respond much to the dismay of the greeter – “I stopped doing a long time ago, why are you raking it up now?” It takes a while for the message to get across but results in some uneasy mirth. Objective achieved.

The other one – “How do you do?” also gets an atypical response – “the missionary style, why, do you do differently?” sometimes results in uncontrollable fits of laughter reminding one of Maya Angelou. Objective achieved.

I do not really know. I think that I was just born that way. I have to force myself to take life seriously. I had a lot of problems during my working career due to this irreverence to life and pompousness and I suspect, I paid a price for it too. Not that it matters, but, perhaps I could have scaled greater heights. When that thought appears, the picture that pops up in my mind is that of Sisyphus. I would rather be me.

My father did not finish his schooling but succeeded in life in his own way. He however thinks that his offspring who did acquire some qualifications must be treated with reverence and so his mail to us will always contain our names in the address including our educational qualifications. An affectation that I find quite amusing, to see in many visiting cards. For instance, my address on mail sent by him will always contain my degrees as B.A, M.B.A, after my name. My nephew promptly has changed my name to BAMBA. The problem with this quirk is that my father, unlike my mother, expects me to be a very serious person, what with all those fancy qualifications. So, when he came to know about how I had to get my hip joints replaced, he was aghast and has been trying to find more details till today, despite a quarter of a century having gone by. I used to tell people who asked why I needed to get my hip joints replaced, that I had to jump off a second floor apartment. That response would inevitably generate the question “why? Fire?” and I would say, “No, the husband came.”

I, as did my three siblings, inherited the most important gene from our late mother. A capacity to laugh at life and one’s self. Bless her soul, none of us have the slightest indication of stress or strain or any of the modern ailments that can put one into an ICU. When the four of us are together, it is a riot. Nonstop laughter and glee.

A friend of mine was suspected to be suffering from a heart attack and his loving family took him promptly to the nearest hospital. When I came to know, I rushed there and there he was basking in the glory of all the attention he was receiving but with a somber and serious face. I took one look at him and said, come on get up and come away you dope, you don’t have a heart. It must have been a fart attack. The family promptly bundled me out of the room and scolded me and sent me packing. Our man was back home next afternoon and invited me for lunch at his place to partake in some Choley Bhature – chick peas in thick creamy gravy and deep fried bread. He is still hale and hearty and shares the story of my indiscretion with anyone who will listen. Heaven knows what would have happened if he had bought it though!

Even people who have never met me come to the conclusion that I am not to be taken seriously. Bikehikebabe, known to all my readers in general and the LCB community in particular, once told me in all seriousness that I was fit only to be a comedian. I promptly agreed, much to her dismay I am sure. Deb, a recent observer of my shenanigans had this to say just a few days ago. “Ramana – I have never been referred to as biblical before! lol Or wise!!For you, particularly, it was so apt because you are so funny and we do all enjoy your humor!”

I would rather be known as a comedian or a funny guy than the OGO (Oh Great One), as the other comedian in our little world, Maynard is called. For the less informed, the UHM (Ultimate Humour Machine) will do.

I am waiting for the day when the two of us meet face to face. I already feel sorry for the people around at that time, if there be any.

I suppose it has its downside, unable to be serious. There must be occasions when my flippancy can cause unease, as it did at the hospital. But, that is me. I doubt that I can change at this late stage of my life. Moral of the story – be prepared when you are around me.

Weekly Humour.

Grannymar has a joke or a funny story every Thursday on her blog. I was wondering what to write about today, and wondered whether I too should. Then, three great mails came to me as though from Heaven, and I decided to emulate her, at least for this week. Without much ado here they are.

The first is a story which follows the comments on my blog on the smoke gadget from Conrad about being called a Turkey.

The Christmas Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth
was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying
only polite, words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of
to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled
back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John,
in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the
freezer.

For a few minutes, the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the
freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and
said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully
intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable
behaviour.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to
ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the
bird continued, “May I ask what the turkey did?”

The next is to honour the much maligned Tiger Woods.

tigerwoodsmlyn991l

This one is so British that it took me a while to get it. I hope that the others will not find it so difficult.

gentleman

STOP PRESS:

Here is a beut from Anu’s blog.

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot..
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
‘Why so less for such a beautiful parrot?’ she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said,
‘Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live at a brothel earlier and sometimes it says some inappropriate stuff.’
The woman thought about this, but decided she wanted to have the bird any way.
She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, ‘New house, New madam.’
The woman was a bit taken back at the implication, but then thought ‘that’s really not so bad.’
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, ‘New house, New madam, New girls.’
The girls and the woman were offended at first but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman’s husband Keith came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

‘Hi, Keith!’ 😀 😀 😀

A Blonde Does Not A Bimbo Make.

Grannymar’s joke on blondes generated quite a bit of discussions. I discovered a new blog site because of the discussions and based on Jean’s comments, I dedicate this to that spirited lass who announces loud and clear – “A blonde does not a bimbo make.”

A blonde is in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of One Million Dollars.

The questions are as follows:

1) How long was the 100 yr war?

A) 116
B) 99
C) 100
D) 150

Blonde says “I will skip this”

2) In which country are the Panama hats made?

A) BRAZIL
B) CHILE
C) PANAMA
D) ECUADOR

Blonde asks for help from the University students

3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

A) JANUARY
B) SEPTEMBER
C) OCTOBER
D) NOVEMBER

Blonde asks for help from general public

4) Which of these was King George VI first name?

A) EDER
B) ALBERT
C) GEORGE
D) MANOEL

Blonde asks for lucky cards

5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on
which animal:

A) CANARY BIRD
B) KANGAROO
C) PUPPY
D) RAT

Blonde gives up.

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If you think you are indeed clever and laughed at the blonde’s replies, then please check the answers below:

1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453

2) The Panama hat is made in Ecuador

3) The October revolution is celebrated in November

4) King George’s first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.

5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies.

Now tell me who’s the dumb one….Don’t ever laugh at a blonde joke again.