I had a tumultuous time with my father for most of my life as did all my siblings. Towards his end, he became more than usually cantankerous and my son and I had to bear the brunt of his behaviour. These facts are known to all my regular readers and before they start wondering why I am raking up those old issues, now after almost three years of his death, let me share what a friend sent to me because he knew about my problems with my father. There may well be others who read this who may have had problems with their fathers and they too may wish to do what I have done here.
I can confidently say that I am quite comfortable that none of the problems that the writer talks about are relevant to me. Let me just quickly go through the six dysfuntional signs that he talks about.
1. You’re aloof. You focus your mind on things other than what’s going on in your relationships. You miss cues from those around you that your relationships need your attention.
Far from it. All my relationships are on even keel and I am quite comfortable in my own skin. Facebook, if anything has brought a lot of those relationships closer. One friend has decided to stop being friends with me, and that is perfectly alright with me. I have decided to ease off on one relationship. Both are perfectly alright because, they have not in any way affected my other relationships.
2. You’re unconcerned. It’s difficult for you to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes because you’re not comfortable in your own. You find it impossible to relate to others experiences emotionally. What concerns you most is how something impacts you.
I am very concerned about what happens to those that matter to me. Right now there are four people in my life who are going through very difficult times and all of them know that I am around for them and seek me out for support and help. I walk in their shoes without which I would not be able to be there for them.
3. You’re disrespectful. It’s not on purpose. You just don’t have a clue how to show respect.
What do my readers think?
4. You’re commitment-phobic. You learned early in life not to rely on people. They were unreliable. They always disappointed you, and that hurt. To avoid being hurt again, you avoid making commitments.
Total nonsense, at least, in my life. Not that I have gone looking for relationships that may cause hurt since my wife died, but, I had forty years of committed life with her and am now too old to start a new one. I live in India. It is extremely difficult to do such things at my age anyway.
5. You’re irresponsible. You were never able to figure out how to do things right. It seemed like the rules always changed. Rather than be blamed for things going wrong when you do everything to try to get them right, it’s easier just say, “Hey, it wasn’t my fault!”
If anything, people around me inform me that I am too responsible! I take my responsibilities seriously and have not failed anybody ever. At least not to my knowledge.
6. You’re unaffectionate. If you were touched at all as a child, it was to have the crap beat out of you. Showing affection by touching someone doesn’t come naturally for you and feels awkward.
If anything, this is a strong point. I am a very touchy feely kind of a fellow and sometimes that can get to be embarrassing!
The writer concludes his post with the question – “What have you done to face your “daddy” issues?”
What issues?