According to Freud, the Id (Instinctual Drives) functions in the irrational and emotional part of the mind, the Ego functions as the rational part of the mind, and the Superego can be thought of as the moral part of the mind, a manifestation of societal or parental values.
Now, there are two elements here. As adults, as all my readers are, we contribute to the instilling of societal and / or parental values on our children and by and large those values are what were instilled in us by our own parents and society of the time when we were growing up.
Obviously, somewhere along the line the values themselves keep changing to suit changing circumstances, like for instance what happened when a predominantly rural society evolved into a predominantly urban one. An inability to change ourselves to comfortably fit into the changed circumstances causes stress and related health problems. Such inability also translates into social strife and problems like racism, casteism, communalism etc, with all of which we are very familiar.
Most of the values by which I live were taught to me in my childhood by my parents, other elders in the family and also teachers. Similarly, the values that my son lives by were taught to him by me, his mother and other elders in the family as well as his teachers in schools. After the formal education was over, we picked up other values through societal influences, sometimes even going against the values held sacrosanct by the family, clan cast etc.
That ability to go against highly held values of the immediate environment to fit into a larger and different framework, is the one single value that I would teach to others. That one value of using one’s thought process (the ego) to overcome the taught values (the superego) despite emotional resistance (Id} would be the making of a stress free life.
To be able to do that, one needs a mindset that is different from most people possess. This is something that all of us instinctively recognise but something I learnt formally from a remarkable book Mindset The New Psychology Of Success by Carol S Dweck.
I strongly recommend this book to all my readers.
This topic has been suggested by Ashok for the weekly Friday Loose Bloggers Consortium where currently five of us write on the same topic every Friday. Ashok who has been rather irregular assures me that he will be writing on this topic this week. I hope that you have enjoyed my contribution to that effort. The four other bloggers who write regularly are, in alphabetical order, Ashok, gaelikaa, Maxi, and Shackman. It is also very likely that we will see the founder inspiration for the LBC, The Old Fossil, back blogging again.Do drop in on their blogs and see what their take is on this week’s topic. Since some of them may post late, or not at all this week, do give some allowance for that too!
“That ability to go against highly held values of the immediate environment to fit into a larger and different framework, is the one single value that I would teach to others.”
I did that in my youth, and for me it was a creative process, which can’t be taught but perhaps encouraged.
I was surprised when you were taking care of your father that you said you did it because of your conditioning, not that you had evaluated that conditioning and operated out of your own values/had made that choice yourself.
Cheerful Monk recently posted..MRAPs
We have been here before CM. Yes, that part of conditioning that having given my word, I cannot back out of a commitment. I discovered my new hero. “It is often in the darkest skies that we see the brightest stars. And it is during our darkest moments, that we are able to find our innermost light.” I found my innermost light then, if you remember, that I am here on this earth for a purpose larger than my selfish gratifications.
But it’s no longer just conditioning if you’ve re-evaluated what you believed and chose it as an adult.
Cheerful Monk recently posted..Obama’s Strategy
Agreed.
“I found my innermost light then” When exactly did this happen? You hadn’t discovered that before? That’s the part that puzzles me.
Cheerful Monk recently posted..Obama’s Strategy
When on one occasion my father wanted his other relatives and his daughter to find an old people’s home to which he wanted to remove himself. Without exception all of them came back and said that even if he was to go to one, he would be asked to leave within a short period and it would be back to square one and he might as well learn to live with whatever he got from me. I don’t write about such details, but such things repeatedly happened which were all part of the problems that I had with him. No, CM, I doubt very much that you will understand because you have led a very protected and rather uneventful life for long. Your relationships seem to have been quite placid, unlike mine with my father.
“I doubt very much that you will understand because you have led a very protected and rather uneventful life for long. Your relationships seem to have been quite placid, unlike mine with my father.”
Oh, poof! Yes, it was a rough time for you, but that doesn’t answer the question, “Did you only then find that you are here on this earth for a purpose larger than your selfish gratifications? That was one of the questions I was wrestling with when I was in high school. You often say your life was smooth and you happened to be in the right place at the right time — which I assume means you didn’t have to think and question very much. According to that description it was you who had led a charmed life. I loved my folks but I learned at an early age I looked at life differently than the people around me. As Camus said, “To think is to be undermined.” That means I had to do a lot of work creating a new foundation/inner core for myself. Not an easy task for a youngster.
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The answer to that question at the beginning of the second paragraph, is a very clear “yes”, for the context of this exchange of views. There were certainly other epiphanies as there are for all of us, but having outlived most of those ‘problems’ I was relatively at peace with myself when this issue cropped up. I don’t think that one can go through a lifetime with one single purpose larger than one’s selfish gratifications. For normal people, it would be a series of such purposes as circumstances and life situations change.
No, I did not have to think of such things much because there was no need to. As I maintain, and have made it my byline, wisdom is by hindsight. In my case, I was too busy enjoying living to think about such profound matters till two major developments hit me in my late fifties in rapid succession. My philosophising about my own life started post some semblance of normalcy came back into my life.
It was not my intention to belittle your life CM. From your blog posts and comments offered by you on many blogs, I certainly gather that you have had a very placid life.
“I certainly gather that you have had a very placid life.” Placid, moi? I laughed out loud at that one. Years ago I jokingly asked my husband if it was possible to be manic without the depressive. He laughed and said he wouldn’t worry about it, he didn’t think they would institutionalize me or anything. Fortunately he likes to see me exuberant and happy.
You clearly have never been blown way by the joys of creativity. As you say, for you wisdom is by hindsight. Apparently you go placidly along until something disturbs your life, then you react to it. Any wisdom comes afterwards. I’m much more creative and proactive, and my inner life is much more adventuresome and exciting. I’m not saying one approach is better than another, but we sure are different! 🙂
My reaction to your father would have been different. I’m not saying it wouldn’t have been hard, but I wouldn’t have felt victimized the way you apparently did. Don’t forget, I taught/led groups in stress management and dealing with difficult people for ten years (why, if I hadn’t been motivated by past experiences?), so I would have taken a more creative approach, reading for ideas and looking back at my own experiences and trying different things. I would have been gaining insight as the drama unfolded. My favorite prayer when things go “wrong” is, “Thank You, Lord, for the opportunity. I sure hope You know what You are doing!” Don’t forget, my motto is “Stay curious and open to life. No matter what happens, keep learning and growing. Find what you love to do and find a way to share it with others.” That’s a motto/purpose with staying power.
Great topic. Thanks!
Cheerful Monk recently posted..Heartbreak
Our basic points seem nearly identical – syncronicity rearing its head I suppose. Or perhaps great minds do think alike – make that great Super egos – LOL. This is a topic that my quick shoot-from-the-hip approach may not do justice.
Yes, two Triple X size superegos to match the physical side too!
Great post, Rummy. Very informative. My take away from all that is said: think for myself.
I did stop in the middle of your post to order Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Can’t wait till the book arrives.
Once again you guide me in the direction of new lessons to be learned. Thank you for sharing.
blessings ~ maxi
Maxi recently posted..What’s In Your Bucket?
Maxi you give a boost to my ego! Thank you.
Excellent analysis! Reading your precise thoughts on this make me realize how rusty I’ve become. However, in the words of Paul Newman in “The Color of Money”, I’m back!
In the meantime, I’ve never seen a better analysis using the traditional Freudian approach of how to escape slavery to the outdated traditional. That is a very adept move!
The Old Fossil recently posted..Teaching Values
TOF, you and Maxi are doing my ego a world of good! Thank you.
I find my values are changing all the time. Many of the values taught me as a child have altered completely as a result of all the people who have influenced me during my adult life. So much so that my mother and I now have very little common ground on anything!
nick recently posted..What a shame
Yes Nick, this is a very endearing aspect of you that I have found to be fascinating from your various blog posts and comments.
My values are pretty much the same as my parents. However my father thought negroes (blacks) were lazy & didn’t help themselves. I understand them much better.
You are blessed!
“That ability to go against highly held values of the immediate environment to fit into a larger and different framework, is the one single value that I would teach to others. That one value of using one’s thought process (the ego) to overcome the taught values (the superego) despite emotional resistance (Id} would be the making of a stress free life.”
I don’t believe that it always makes for a stress-free life. Many suicide bombers/terrorists have chosen to go against the values they were taught as a child for the sake of a higher purpose. We don’t agree with their choice (understatement!), of course. Part of the process is to have the courage to confront their stress/fears.
Cheerful Monk recently posted..Obama’s Strategy
The brainwashing process of the suicide bombers, their deeply held faith paraphernalia and their resentment towards the ‘other’ have been studied and commented on by others more capable than I. They incidentally use their thought process to give up their conditioning, except that we do not think that it is right. For them, it is.
Yes, it’s the downside of people’s desire for meaning greater than themselves.
Cheerful Monk recently posted..Heartbreak