Lessons Learned Life has this post with the 37 things that we will regret when we are old. I have listed the items and have answered my own experience against each.
1. Not traveling when you had the chance.
I have travelled enough for more than one lifetime.
2. Not learning another language.
As an Indian Sales and Marketing Professional, I had no choice. I can read, write and speak fluently four languages, and speak three others.
3. Staying in a bad relationship.
I didn’t have to.
4. Forgoing sunscreen.
I am an Indian. What is sunscreen?
5. Missing the chance to see your favorite musicians.
I have been blessed and have seen live performances of most of my favourite musicians.
6. Being scared to do things.
I was not.
7. Failing to make physical fitness a priority.
My journey has been a hit and miss experience due to my peculiar physical problems. I still try to keep fit with a regime of exercises.
8. Letting yourself be defined by gender roles.
Does not apply to me. I never let my being a male stop me from being a house husband.
9. Not quitting a terrible job.
I quit.
10. Not trying harder in school.
Mea culpa. I did not know any better and did not have a mentor to guide me. I caught up with education subsequently through distance learning and by going to Business School.
11. Not realizing how beautiful you were.
Not something that ever bothered me.
12. Being afraid to say “I love you.”
I never was, nor am I now.
13. Not listening to your parents’ advice.
I did to my mother’s and benefited. My father did not get an opportunity to advice me!
14. Spending your youth self-absorbed.
I had no time to be self absorbed. I was too busy keeping my body and soul together.
15. Caring too much about what other people think.
Not something that bothered me ever.
16. Supporting others’ dreams over your own.
Did not have to.
17. Not moving on fast enough.
Not applicable to me.
18. Holding grudges, especially with those you love.
I had no choice. I did till the very end. I don’t any more.
19. Not standing up for yourself.
Not applicable to me.
20. Not volunteering enough.
I have done my share of volunteering.
21. Neglecting your teeth.
Despite not neglecting, I have had my share of visits to the dentist.
22. Missing the chance to ask your grandparents questions before they die.
My maternal grandparents had died before I was born, and I never got to spend enough time with my paternal ones at the right time. Not something that I regret though.
23. Working too much.
I did but enjoyed every moment of it.
24. Not learning how to cook one awesome meal.
I learnt to more than just one awesome meal.
25. Not stopping enough to appreciate the moment.
I had enough opportunities to stop and smell the roses while on the way to growing old.
26. Failing to finish what you start.
I can’t think of anything that I started that I did not finish.
27. Never mastering one awesome party trick.
Something that I had not thought about. I did not attend many parties where people had to perform party tricks. I don’t know any party tricks.
28. Letting yourself be defined by cultural expectations.
I rebelled. I had a reputation in the family for being a nogoodnik.
29. Refusing to let friendships run their course.
I have let enough friendships to run their courses without any regret.
30. Not playing with your kids enough.
Mea culpa. I was too busy travelling for business.
31. Never taking a big risk (especially in love).
Both my late wife and I knew that we were taking the biggest risk of our lives when we decided to get married to each other. It worked out alright in the end. I had taken other risks in my career which paid off.
32. Not taking the time to develop contacts and network.
One of my great achievements is my list of contacts and the networks that I belong to.
33. Worrying too much.
I am not prone to worrying.
34. Getting caught up in needless drama.
Who needs it?
35. Not spending enough time with loved ones.
I did, when it mattered. Neither they nor I had / have any regrets. I continue to spend time with my loved ones now too.
36. Never performing in front of others.
I have performed in front of audiences enough to last me a lifetime. Even now, much to my embarrassment, I am reminded of those events at some of our get-togethers.
37. Not being grateful sooner.
I have always been grateful for all that I have been blessed with.
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The last paragraph below is from the post.
“It can be hard to see in the beginning, but eventually it becomes clear that every moment on this earth — from the mundane to the amazing — is a gift that we’re all so incredibly lucky to share.”
No regrets here! 🙂
Cheerful Monk recently posted..Longevity
I am not at all surprised.
1. Not traveling when you had the chance.
I have traveled a fair amount
2. Not learning another language.
Many moons ago I was fluent in German
3. Staying in a bad relationship.
45 years with my late wife -no time for others
4. Forgoing sunscreen.
been there,done that and paid the price
5. Missing the chance to see your favorite musicians.
I’ve seen them all from Sinatra, Ed Ames to the Beatles Dave Clark 5, The Association and many many more.
6. Being scared to do things.
I was not.
7. Failing to make physical fitness a priority.
Was an athlete, now not –
8. Letting yourself be defined by gender roles.
Does not apply to me.
9. Not quitting a terrible job.
I quit.
10. Not trying harder in school.
Depends on who you listen to –
11. Not realizing how beautiful you were.
not applicable
12. Being afraid to say “I love you.”
I never was, nor am I now.
13. Not listening to your parents’ advice.
occasionally did and occasionally ignored them
14. Spending your youth self-absorbed.
was very shy – is that self absorbed?
15. Caring too much about what other people think.
guilty as charged
16. Supporting others’ dreams over your own.
Did not have to.
17. Not moving on fast enough.
Not applicable to me.
18. Holding grudges, especially with those you love.
nope
19. Not standing up for yourself.
Not applicable to me.
20. Not volunteering enough.
guilty as charged
21. Neglecting your teeth.
Despite not neglecting, I have had my share of visits to the dentist.
22. Missing the chance to ask your grandparents questions before they die.
I spent ample time with them
23. Working too much.
I did but enjoyed every moment of it.
24. Not learning how to cook one awesome meal.
I learned to cook more than just one awesome meal.
25. Not stopping enough to appreciate the moment.
I appreciated every one of them
26. Failing to finish what you start.
not applicable
I can’t think of anything that I started that I did not finish.
27. Never mastering one awesome party trick.
not applicable
28. Letting yourself be defined by cultural expectations.
nope – I played the dumb jock but was far from dumb
29. Refusing to let friendships run their course.
no – i did let thm run their course
30. Not playing with your kids enough.
don’t think so
31. Never taking a big risk (especially in love).
not true – at best agnostic, I proposed to a Mormon
32. Not taking the time to develop contacts and network.
had them but rarely took advantage of them
33. Worrying too much.
I am not prone to worrying.
34. Getting caught up in needless drama.
happened on occasion
35. Not spending enough time with loved ones.
do not believe I am guilty of that
36. Never performing in front of others.
Was in a Polynesian dance troupe for 3 years
37. Not being grateful sooner.
I have always been grateful for all that I have been blessed with.
“It can be hard to see in the beginning, but eventually it becomes clear that every moment on this earth — from the mundane to the amazing — is a gift that we’re all so incredibly lucky to share.”
Your fans in the blogworld have been demanding that you post some videos of your Polynesian dance days. Please oblige soon. Otherwise, as the two of us seem to be discovering constantly, we might as well be walking on parallel paths.
there are no existing videos – it was 1968-1970
It is a pity!
No 13. “Not listening to your parents’ advice.” The one thing I do regret that I did. Complicated by the fact that my father advised one thing, my mother the other (you know, parents do not come as united parcels – they are still individual entities – thank god).
No 34 “Needless drama”. Who says drama is “needless”? Drama brings things to a head, to be resolved. And if drama were “needless” why ever go to the theatre, watch a film, read a novel, go to the Opera? Human life itself is (a) drama. Drama – definition “a series of exiting events”.
No 26 “failing to finish what you started”. Come on, Ramana and Shackman. You have always finished what you started? Never thrown in the towel – even if only because of being bored with what you started, losing interest? You have got to be kidding me. I know you are both great guys, but not superhuman.
That we should regret certain things is only to be expected. And anyone who denies that deceives themselves. Neither does it matter. All part and parcel of experiencing life. Let’s not strive for perfection – we may regret it. HA!
U
Ursula recently posted..Spot check
Ursula, there is one factor that you have overlooked. You had commented on my post Ambition (http://rummuser.com/?p=1494) but I have removed all comments to save storage space. I rarely started things. Things were started for me by others or circumstances. Those that I started, I finished. Those that I just happened to come by, I allowed to run the course. No big deal.
I personally do not need drama. I had enough of that during my growing up years and much later when I had to look after my late father during his last years. I now want peace and quiet and a little entertainment. I get all three in abundant measure. I am grateful.
1. married to a lovely man albeit a workaholic who owned his own business…
we never went anywhere. the most travelling i’ve done has been since he died.
and yes. i regret not having done it at a younger age.
2. my mother spoke french. she taught me how to count to 10 in french when i was only four. even before i could do it in english.
later she offered to teach me … and i in my teenaged wisdom refused.
she said i would regret it. and yes. i do.
3. yes. as a young widow i stayed in an abusive relationship far too long… for one year.
and it very nearly cost me my life. i learned very hard lessons very fast.
4. as a fair complexion person with blue eyes i always protect myself in the sun.
though i used to ‘tan’ in my early years. thankfully no damage.
i had a blonde friend who died from melanoma. he was an outdoorsman.
12. i have never been afraid to say “i love you.” i think it’s important. and i don’t think it dilutes it to say it to people other than your spouse or your family. love is universal. or should be anyway.
19. i spent 17 years not standing up for myself. because she was my husband’s mother i allowed the lady to say very cruel things to me and treat me not well. today that wouldn’t happen. i was too young i guess. but i’ve learned to stand up for myself now.
26. i don’t mind failing to finish what i start. i don’t waste time reading a book now that isn’t what i expected it to be. at one time i would keep reading to the end just to say “i finished it.” life is too short for that now.
if i take on a job however… i will finish it.
old work ethics die hard!
30. i have no kids of my own. that has never stopped me from playing though.
just ask jacob. i make the best princess roxanne you’ll ever want to meet!
i have put on plays written and produced and acted with the best of them… all with a curtain made from a blanket with a rope. let the show go on!
34. i like ursula’s answer about drama. i love drama! what i don’t like are when people have CONSTANT “dramatic” crises in their lives. one right after another. i think some people thrive on that and keep them going for some reason. they create them if none exists. boring and unnecessary really.
37. i have lots of foibles and much to work on before i transfer from this planet.
but the gratitude thing is not one of them.
i’ve got that one down. i’m grateful for everything! my life in particular.
and when it’s over i’ll be ready to sign up for the next adventure.
a fun list rummy! thanks.
and… shackman!!! a polynesian dancer!!! LOVE it! i want pictures!
tammy j recently posted..moving on old bean
A nice compilation Tammy. I have voiced my hope to Shackman that he shared a video with all of his fans too!
I did Tahitian (yes in a grass skirt), samoan knife and fire knife, maori hakas and some Fillipino stuff – no vids
I understand that those days, we did not have the ease that we have now with smartphones to take videos. It still is a pity though!
Good list that provoked lots of thought. One big thought at the end: what I did or did not do is all in the past and can’t be changed. Therefore having regrets, which sometimes do come to mind, is a waste of time.
Liked your comment about sunscreen and being an Indian. It reminded me of an awkward conversation in an episode of the TV show “The Big Bang Theory.” Leonard was having trouble thinking of anything to say to the unhappy Indian father of his girl friend. So he said, “How are you, is it hot there?”
“Of course it’s hot,” bellowed the dad. “It’s India.”
Dick klade recently posted..Our Rare Little White Neighbors
I agree with you that having regrets is a waste of time, but that does not stop us from having them! And I like that quip about the Indian in India!
5. Missing the chance to see your favorite musicians.
I’ve missed quite a few, either because the venues were too far away or the price was extortionate. Or both. But I’ve seen some of my favourites like K T Tunstall and Grainne Duffy (Irish rock musician) and Andy Fairweather Low (ex Amen Corner)
8. Letting yourself be defined by gender roles.
Unfortunately there are many situations in which we’re expected to conform to a gender role or be seen as extremely odd. There are strict limits to how much we can be our real self regardless. Clothing, behaviour, emotional openness – most men are still far from gender-free.
nick recently posted..Of all the luck
I agree that most men are far from gender-free, but that should not lead us to regret however we had lived our lives.
Hi Rummy,
Not old enough to regret whatsoever, but even when I get there I doubt I will ever regret what I may have or not have done in my life. Everything happens for a reason, and the twists and turns of existence are a beautiful dance. G-d bless you, my friend.
Cheers
Max, you are a premature philosopher!